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jeh
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Sometimes I really wonder why I chose to come all the way over here. So far out from home, sharing a flat with 5 ang mohs who find it hard understanding you (when you go for SEP you realize how powderful your Singlish accent can be, as much as you try to control it), being surrounded by huge ass ang moh women. really ah. they are a damn turn off please. So big! wahlao and they still flaunt their thunder thighs around like its some great achievement like that. Ok before you start blaming me, Brit ang moh are quite different from French, Germans or even say the Russians. Russians are descents on the Slav, making them look more Eastern European-y. Germans as we famously know are descendents from the Aryans. and French women are simply da bomb. But Brits?! wahlaowey. no wonder Americans always say British men have ugly wives hahaha. And honestly they're pretty racist here. When you think of a British teenager or youth, you can't help but think of this image of a scrawny white dude with a hoodie over his head right? But its damn true. 70-80% of them wear that and when they see anybody with Black hair you're automatically labelled as coming from China. But I have some hope for you though, they only asked me the imfamous "Is Singapore part of China?" question after 1 week. Thats quite impressive because I was expecting to be asked that in 2-3 days after coming here.
I'm starting to think that my SEP here is like damn insignificant. It really pales in comparision to the way we treat exchange students back home. In nus SEP white kids are like machiam tourist like that and we tell so much to them. Down here in my tutorial classes they don't even bother asking where you're form because you're instantly associated with China. sad. just sad.
Anyway I met a Singaporean girl here and been in contact with her quite alot recently. She comes off as one of those fence sitting girls who don't know what they want when they talk to men. Those annoying 'anything lor..' kind of girl. But the weird thing is whenever I talk to her she will tell me so much stuff about her mood, her day etc. Its like I ask her for A but she'll tell me A+B+C+D. Which really confuses me lah. If you're interested in me then why do you keep being so stuck up and waiting for me to msg and talk to you all the time?! sad. just sad. I don't expect much out of it anyway given that I wont be around for her entire 3 years here. Its almost like a lost cause. Alot like the clubbing girl I used to see when I was at PNL! hahaha!
Where shall I start? I really didn't expect to pick up the clubbing girl that night. I mean who would've planned to bring a girl home when all you ever wanted was to go out for a few rounds of drinks to celebrate your 1st job? beginner's luck? I don't know. But seriously thinking back on that night I'm quite ashamed of some of the things I did on the dance floor. Things I hope my mum will never see me doing :) I suppose you could say me ending up with that girl was a culmination of 24 years of frustration, doubt and insecurity(?). I'm really not a negative pessimist but I often see my relatonships with women a lost cause lah. When a soldier has given all his got to so many battles and keeps seeing his country's army getting defeated then you can't blame him for losing hope in his country.
So that night was essentially a culmination of anger, frustration and all things sordid, primal and animalistic in the human experience. Anyway please lah when you go to a club you don't expect things to be all fairy-goodie-2-shoesy. I remember going to clubbing nights like on a weekly basis back in NS but I was still very conservative and foolishly still holding out for another girl back then. On that night I just let go of all my inhibitions and simply turned a blind eye to every damn conservative premonition I had towards girls. What I'm going to type is going to sound extremely sick to most of you but on that night I essentially pinched slapped and rubbed my way through the night. I know most of you who know me personally will start judging and labelling me from now on but I don't know of any better way to describe my frustration and resignment than that. I shall say no more.
As with girls that guys often pick up from clubs, it's always a goddamn mess. I told 999 million lies about me and my so called 'achievements' while I'm damn sure she told me a million lies too in return hahaha. All I know is that she's a JC Econs tutor. She never told me which school it was but I kind of narrowed it down to the North East region haha. Shall I bore you to death about where and what we did at the places I brought her to? hmm. maybe next time. heheh. Would I do it again? I suppose I will.
What to do. Women stereotype men as lying bastards but keep coming back to them while the good guys are kicked aside and conveniently forgotten. Nothing I can do about that. I'm just living up to the lying bastard stereotype. Am I a good boy turned evil? maybe.
The good thing about dating sluts is that they treat a man the way he wants to. Clubbing girl held my arm and squeezed my hand almost 95% of the time I went out with her. It felt nice. It doesn't really matter which woman that arm and hand belongs to but every man longs to be appreciated for who he is. It just felt nice that there was somebody physically 'there' for you. No guy likes going through the process of courting a girl, getting rejected, getting over the heartache and (actually the most important part ->)damage to his pride, going back to step 1 all over again and perhaps get rejected again? Its a bloody vicious cycle I tell you. Sluts are like cheat codes! But they don't last very long! Lol. Nothing is predictable in this world anyway. Will I date one again? I'm quite sure I will given the way things are going for me now. hehe she'll probably never see this but I'm glad I learnt so much bastard moves from clubbing girl. She didn't know it but she was educating the next generation of lying bastards. :)
I often am of the view that people shouldn't know too much about yourself. Like you, for instance. After seeing all this you wont see me in the same light again. Which was why I told my ex-colleague that she shouldn't know too much about me. (Right "A"? If you actually came here to read this then i'm truly touched. but i'm sure you'll start judging me after reading all of the above and continue being such an ass to me. I don't like being ridiculed about the clothes I wear ok. Its quite offensive. I didn't continually jab you about that dirty pair of jeans but you keep bringing up that t-shirt thing.)
thats about enough damaging info I'll type for now.
tbc
031211
jeh
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jeh
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credits to Alan Cottrell
so damn sian lah. examz merely 1 day away!!!
and i really cant believe i'm doing stuff like this online.
this was a pic i took which unfortunately never made it to my ss module essay.
jeh
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This is best summed up by the personal experience of an angmoh expat who lived through the late 80s (though you could say that the change in landscape was already fiercely underway by then). She made this comment on a facebook page commemorating Singapore historical culture:
Alaina Whitley Zepeda
I lived in Singapore 1980-84, and am back living here. For all you who, like me, have such good memories...it's not the same Singapore!!! I was vastly disappointed upon arriving. It's now nothing short of an Asian version of Manhattan. Very disappointing and very little left from the place we knew.
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honestly did you ever know that the name Pasir Panjang literally meant long sandy beach in malay? I'm not sure how much of that beach is still sandy white or if it even has sand now at all..
jeh
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my life is really pathetic.
jeh
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damn funny hahaha. watching webcasts are fun.
jeh